'Thank you kind sir for cleaning out the sand from my shorts...usually it's my mom, but not with her tongue.'

'They call me sizzle tits'

'Paul, I know every inch of this office, like a lovers body.'

'They should make an iphone dildo add on that vibrates. I would buy that.'

'What's up with all these people that are stand-ups that aren't funny?'

Lang-a-bang-a-ding-dong!

June 28 - 5:30P

there is only one open 'seat' in this sexual congress race

'Did you just whisper 'titty' in my ear?'

'Even Jesus celebrates gay pride.'

"Jail-House Hooch. They make that shit out of old bread."

"Note to self: Butt-Funnel"

"Isn't it a little late to be here on Erev Shabbos, Sam?"

6-25-10

"Puerto Rico is the Long Island of Latin America"