Tuesday, November 9, 2010

"What are you looking at? Nude dudes?"
... No he's holding a sword.
"A flesh sword, with a purple helmet"

Monday, July 12, 2010

"you can't let me go out into the world like this! c'mon, pokety dokety!"
"aaah, it's raining panties on my face!"
"it's not up to you to make decisions regarding my drink receptacles!"
"all the ladies want to jump on this beef stick, so don't even try to rebuff me."

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

'Did you go downstairs for Guerrilla tape? They probably don't stock it because there's too many r's'

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

'Thank you kind sir for cleaning out the sand from my shorts...usually it's my mom, but not with her tongue.'
'They call me sizzle tits'

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

'Paul, I know every inch of this office, like a lovers body.'
'They should make an iphone dildo add on that vibrates. I would buy that.'
'What's up with all these people that are stand-ups that aren't funny?'

Monday, June 28, 2010

Friday, June 25, 2010

'Even Jesus celebrates gay pride.'
"Jail-House Hooch. They make that shit out of old bread."
"Note to self: Butt-Funnel"
"Isn't it a little late to be here on Erev Shabbos, Sam?"


"Puerto Rico is the Long Island of Latin America"