'Onions are like eating tiny crunchy insects'

"Listen, if I give you a paper clip you'll be able to put two pieces of paper together, but if I teach you where to get the paper clips, you can put as many pieces together as you want."

"I don't let any woman edit my documents."

"ASS O DUFF O LOSS!"

"What are you looking at? Nude dudes?"

... No he's holding a sword.

"A flesh sword, with a purple helmet"

"you can't let me go out into the world like this! c'mon, pokety dokety!"

"aaah, it's raining panties on my face!"

"it's not up to you to make decisions regarding my drink receptacles!"

"all the ladies want to jump on this beef stick, so don't even try to rebuff me."

'Did you go downstairs for Guerrilla tape? They probably don't stock it because there's too many r's'

'Soup is something you have to take your time with.'

'Where is the freaking ass song?'

Kid, I know that you like butts.

'Thank you kind sir for cleaning out the sand from my shorts...usually it's my mom, but not with her tongue.'

'They call me sizzle tits'

'Paul, I know every inch of this office, like a lovers body.'

'They should make an iphone dildo add on that vibrates. I would buy that.'

'What's up with all these people that are stand-ups that aren't funny?'

Lang-a-bang-a-ding-dong!

June 28 - 5:30P

there is only one open 'seat' in this sexual congress race